Almost a week in Rawai already!

Today is day 6 of being here.

Time is flying by.

It’s Sunday and I am set to move out of the gym on Tuesday, and have not yet sussed where I am going to be staying next.

I have a vague plan of moving up the island gradually. Starting in Rawai has been the absolute perfect starting point. It is chill, I am in a gym with an English speaking owner, right on the beach, and everything i could need is within walking distance of a couple of minutes. 

I have gotten into a beautiful routine of rising at about 6am before sunrise, going to the 7/11 across the street to buy a coffee as well as usually an energy drink, protein shake and water etc.. all for around or less than 100baht ($5) and then sitting on the beach reflecting and just thinking and watching the most insanely beautiful sunrises I have ever seen. I saw one that I didn’t think would be very good, but the sun was bright pink! I had never seen one like that before, and as I was stressing about where I was going to stay next, I realized that like the pink sun I had never experienced, by being here I had opened myself up to possibilities that I didn’t even know existed.

This whole experience has been so interesting and revealing to me that I am quick to get into routines, and then when I need to move on, such as move accomodation, or think about where I am going next, I feel uncomfortable, want to avoid the decision and stay in my little comfy routine that I have developed. Even though what lies before me has the potential to be far greater than what I have been experiencing. I feel like now I am more placed to continue to move forward with fear, knowing the uknown is where the goodness lies.

I haven’t really met anyone though other than the owner and his partner, the krus, the housekeeper and one girl who has been going to the gym for a year, hails from Belgium and is living here on a 5 year DTV visa. Which I envy and want to get on myself. Although I have not made any real connections here so far, it is early days, and I am appreciative of this introspective and reflective time that I have for myself. This is the first time in a long time that I have not been obsessive about wanting to be in a romantic relationship etc for a long time. I couldn’t care less about any one of the ripped, shirtless dudes tattooed up and driving motorcycles recklessly along Soi Ta Iad.

I have said before that I do not want to come home. I do not know how to make it work so that I do not have to come home, but so many people can do it I hope that I can be one of them too.  

While this place is absolutely amazing and more than I could dream of, this place is not 100% paradise. Although I absolutely love this land and the energy, the people, the environments and the opportunities, there is some aspects I do not really like. It feels like the Thai people have been taken advantage of for tourism. I barely see Thai people in any of the tourist places apart from the workers there. Businesses that are clearly owned by westerners/europeans flourish while many stalls of small family run Thai businesses struggle for business. I have seen people scrummaging through the trash, while Russian women spout gucci and Prada sunglasses. I have seen the people begging/selling little trinkets for any kind of baht and I have seen tourists largely ignore these people. I am not saying that I am not apart of it, as I have had massages that cost $20 for 90 minutes, which at home would cost me another $100. I have eaten banquets for a total cost of $10nzd. I can still recognize that the way the world works at the moment is sub par to say the least. 

The sewage/drainage system can also be a bit smelly on the road from time to time. I am also slightly terrified of falling through a drain on the side of the road lol. You are also not allowed to flush toilet paper on the island as there is no way for the sewage system to handle the paper. So it has been interesting to get used to putting toilet paper into the bin next to the toilet. Part of me wonders if eventually this will be unsustainable and

Even though I feel so wonderful to be here, so grateful and so humbled, I do feel a little bit of fear as the future looks so uncertain, not knowing where Ill even be sleeping in 2 days time. I did try to ask the owner if I could extend my stay but he is fully booked so I have no choice but to continue. I feel this is for a reason, because this is too comfortable and if I stay here, I might never venture forward on the journey, the reason that I came here. 

I know everything will work out, and the clock reads 11:11 as I write that so for me that is confirmation that I do not need to worry about a thing.